Tag Archive | tired

The Spoon Theory

The Spoon Theory

When I read this article this morning I cried. Not because I was sad or upset but with relief because I may have found a way to describe how I feel to someone who looks at me and thinks I look OK. Someone who thinks that all my moans and groans about being tired, exhausted, and wiped out to the point of collapse and tears of frustration and pain are fiction. That’s the problem with an invisible illness. You look fine but underneath you are fighting to stay as normal as possible with every ounce of energy you have. If I could only find a way to explain that feeling, I would feel better. People would maybe understand and not judge. A little empathy and genuine concern costs nothing but you would think it costs the earth for its paucity.

I face any number of battles every morning before I go out of the house. I often use all my spoons before I get to work, and then I’m in deficit; running on empty whilst all the time destroying my engine. You can run on empty for a while. We all know that there is always something in reserve from what the car manufacturers tell you. Unfortunately when your body says enough is enough it’s usually time to wave the white flag and retire to bed for a while. Rest and recovery is vital in managing chronic fatigue syndrome and I spend most of my weekends in bed, either resting or asleep, just catching up from the week’s exertion. What a waste of time.

I hope that you will read about the Spoon Theory and imagine how it would impact you and your daily routine. It is the closest explanation I have seen for normally healthy people to start to understand what it is like to have depleted energy resources and reserves. I used to take my high energy for granted; Sport, competition, manic activity and multi-tasking were key skills of mine and I thrived on it. Now, I have to manage my energy supply. I only have so many spoons.



Down but not out

After several days of high energy and welcome positivity, walking from the train station to the office this morning I suddenly faced a wall of doom and gloom. During the 15 minutes it took me to reach the office however I came to the conclusion that there are very good reasons why I feel low and I quickly challenged myself to accept my limitations and to look forward to some rest at the weekend.

I am tired. Plain and simple. This week I have been in a different office every day, Leicester, Birmingham, Nottingham and today Reading. Travelling is tiring in itself and for me to be sitting in the Reading office at 8.20am after almost 3 hours of train journey into and across London means that I was up early! After such a busy week, it is no wonder that on Thursday I am beginning to flag but so would many people and I have persuaded myself that i’m not being pathetic. Just normal.

So instead of being overwhelmed by the busy weekend ahead; village scarecrow festival (need to make a scarecrow), fetch Will and get us both for a hair cut, and to finish off Sunday afternoon an away football match 50 miles up the motorway I will instead ask for some help. I may not make a scarecrow, it’s not essential whereas a haircut is and I will have a lie in on Sunday morning.

I was down for 10 minutes this morning.

But I’m definitely not out.