I have been feeling much better today after a good nights sleep. Sleep makes a lot of difference and I only wish that I could guarantee 8 hours quality shut-eye every night as this would make my life so much easier. My GP has told me that the last thing that returns to normal after a depressive episode is sleep, so in the meantime I just need to be grateful for what I get.
What worries me about today however is that I have done much more than I have done for many months. This is dangerous territory for anyone suffering from ME/CFS as it usually means that we will pay the price tomorrow, next week, next month when our bodies realise that we have expended far more energy than we have stockpiled and we are running “on empty”. I am therefore determined to rest tomorrow to try and recover some of the excess energy I have used today. It may work, it may not and I have only myself to blame if I have overdone things to the extent that it exhausts me. Pacing is absolutely the key to managing this illness and if I don’t have the discipline to do that I can expect a relapse.
Harsh but true. Unfortunately. I am sure that there are many more people out there who experience the same challenge. Those who like me are normally high energy, high achieving individuals who now find that we have to be more measured and conservative in our approach to life. Sadly our energy and enthusiasm are our enemy and it is difficult to manage the reality of our performance against our expectations.
Grrrrrrr…it is very frustrating and I doubt whether I will ever come to terms with having to rein myself in but I can only do my best. Every day I am working against the high tide of my personality type. I am not measured and controlled. I am emotional not objective. I feel things deeply and I never, ever stop doing things. From the moment I get out of bed to when I eventually close my eyes at night, I am doing something constructive. Otherwise, it’s a waste of time.
Living in both sides of a parallel universe would be a perfect solution but I guess that’s too much to expect!
In the meantime I have to conserve my energy as best I can and move forward. I have hope and support from friends, family and colleagues. I will not let this illness stop me from doing what I do best.