This week has been a real struggle and my emotions have swung from a complete melt-down on Monday, when I truly thought I was heading for hospital in-patient treatment to a mini-high on Wednesday when I thought I’d cracked this latest episode of depression only to dip again yesterday. Depression can be a roller-coaster of a ride and I have certainly experienced the very lows and some mediocre highs over the last few days.
I have committed myself to going back to work on Monday. I am not 100% yet but I have to make the effort and start to get back into routine. It will be tough. Very tough, but fortune favours the brave and I am determined to challenge this illness as best I can and I need to be back with my friends and colleagues.
In the meantime, I have been trying very hard not to sleep during the day in preparation for the long days ahead. I have kept busy without exerting myself too much and although I feel exhausted, I know I must not give in to the fatigue without a fight. A regular sleeping pattern must be established if I am to return to work successfully so no midday naps allowed!
Instead, card making has taken priority today, and another design inspired from an article in Craft Stamper.
In the past I have likened my experience with depression to being on a roller coaster ride. Periods of high-energy and positivity interspersed with periods of low-mood, inactivity and apathy. This last week however my mood swings have been more like a yo-yo than a roller-coaster and I am exhausted by the extremes. Having said that, following the alternating extremes of hope and despair,I suddenly feel a lot calmer. It is as if I have exorcised some demons which have lurked under the surface for a while subconsciously causing me to worry and question myself.
This is where Moodscope comes into its own and helps me to plot my moods and to spot patterns and possible reasons for the erratic behaviour. I already have a good idea why I was so up and down. I just need to put plans into place to prevent it happening again any time soon.
I hate rollercoasters.The highs are too high and the lows are too low and the time it takes to travel in between too fast so that I feel out of control and physically sick. They are unpredictable; you are strapped in and can’t move. But if you don’t secure yourself properly, you fall away and get hurt. You are at the mercy of the science. Gravity. Freefall. Involuntary acceleration.
Nemesis. Oblivion. The Beast. Demon. Hangman. Mindbender.