At long last and after many, many months my stomach has finally stopped its incessant churning. The constant feeling of nausea and fatigue has lifted. My head is clear and calm and this past week I have been able to focus on the tasks in front of me instead of my butterfly of a mind flitting about mercilessly leaving me unable to start and finish anything in one attempt.
I am in remission. I recognise the signs and as ever, it is only when I start to feel better that I realise just how far down the slippery slope I travelled before the worm turned. Now begins the self-questioning. How did I let it get that bad? Could I not have stopped it? How did I allow myself to sink so low when I should have learned from past experience? What happened to the attempts at positive thinking and being kind to myself?
Who knows? I do know that I had no energy to think positively. I couldn’t be bothered to talk to anyone. Every day I have been wading through treacle but I kept going. I kept going because I never lost my belief that I would get better in time. I have recovered before so why shouldn’t it happen again? It’s very hard to hold on to that faith and belief sometimes but I knew that I had to hang in there no matter how tough it seemed at the time. Going through the motions is demoralising and unfulfilling but sometimes just doing enough has to be enough.