Tag Archive | positive

Brain fog……

is so frustrating. One of my major symptoms of chronic fatigue/depression at the moment is brain fog. This has to be one of the most frustrating manifestations of my illness for me and it’s taking me a while to come to terms with it. Needless to say I won’t be applying for Mastermind or University Challenge any time soon.

Usually, I can recall information very quickly and at a drop of a hat. These days when asked a question, I realise that I know the answer and it is there “somewhere” but where and how long will it take to retrieve is unpredictable at the very least and bloody annoying every time. It could take hours for me to remember a name.

This must sound rather spoilt and insensitive to anyone who is struggling with far worse symptoms than mine, and I appreciate and understand that, but for me, my intellectual ability and agility has always taken precedent over financial success and monetary advantage so that if I am unable to function in accordance with my expectations, I have failed.

This is what I have to live with and moderate. Difficult as it is, I have to realise that if I can’t answer a question on University Challenge before one of the contestants, and have to search through my contacts to ascertain the name of the person I’m thinking of, then so be it. Grrr….I don’t like it and as the BUPA Dr told me 9 years ago ” you will have trouble growing old unless you moderate your expectations”……

Mmmmmm…I sort of get what she meant but I am not giving up just yet.

I have too much to give and too much to pass on to my successors to worry about slow performance. “

“It’s not how you start it’s how you finish” so the lyric goes and it’s absolutely right.

Keep going; keep challenging; keep on track; you will get there.

Uncharted territory indeed

My readers will be aware that I use the online do-it-yourself mood monitoring tool Moodscope which I find invaluable in helping manage my mood swings and lifestyle.  Another welcome feature for subscribers to Moodscope is the daily inspiring email from Jon (Cousins) the founder of Moodscope and diagnosed bi-polar depressive. I always read his email and often wonder how he manages to come up with something different each day. Respect. The trick to these emails however is not just to read them, but to take his comments on board and try to act on them. It’s all to do with being proactive and positive and in taking the initiative, you will reap the benefits of your efforts. Like me today.

Yesterday (21 September), Jon’s email was entitled “Uncharted territory” .  I read this Blog post and it dawned on me that, unusually, I haven’t spoken to anyone new for quite a while. As someone who does a lot of travelling on the train and has responsibility for several different offices across the UK, I realised that I had settled into a “comfort zone” which accompanied my recent downturn in mood and desire to withdraw from the world.

I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe that everything happens for a reason and I am always happy to make positive connections where I think they exist. Today, I was presented with lots of opportunities to speak with and work with “new” people and found it amazingly refreshing, exciting and I learnt a lot. Hurrah! Change, development, initiative, ideas, learning and creativity is what I thrive on and I feel that I have emerged from my self-imposed cocoon at last. At work I have “new” colleagues to work with over the next few months and I’m looking forward to it. The change is good and has inspired me to focus on what I do best with renewed energy.

This attitude and positivity also spilled over into my train journey home when I met a delightful young Somalian girl dressed in hijab and abaya who was travelling from Glasgow to  Leicester to help her Doctor husband pack his case and move up to Scotland. All she did was ask me, in broken english but with an endearing smile, which train she needed to catch from Birmingham New Street to Leicester. I explained that I was going that way myself and I would help her.

Over the next hour, we found the right train, some seats and found out a lot about each other. She told me that she has been in the UK (Glasgow) for 4 years and is learning how to speak English at Glasgow College. She also happened to mention that she was struggling to understand her tutor this year (a Glaswegian) whereas last year she had no such problems when she had a tutor from London.  At this I started to laugh and explained that if she can learn to speak English in Glasgow she’s brilliant! Although her English was broken, she made every effort to speak with me and made use of the vocabulary she had. No, it wasn’t perfect but she made herself understood and we “chatted” for an hour between Birmingham and Leicester.

She told me that she misses Somalia because she could go out in the warm weather with no shoes on whereas in Scotland it is cold all the time and shoes are always needed. She asked me if it ever stops raining and what is Buckingham Palace like? She wanted to know about my gold jewellery (obviously not European) and asked whether I had been to Africa. She will never go back to Somalia because “They are killing each other” and she will always look after her mum. She is the youngest of seven children and when someone gets married she does the beautiful henna hand paintings. All this and more with limited vocabulary.

 When we got to Leicester, I showed her the exit and where her husband would be waiting. Giving me a hug she said “Thank you so much. You have been very kind and it has been nice meeting you”.

Who needs Reddybrek for a warm glow? Not me.

Her name?

No idea 😦