The great thing about working from home is that I can take my coffee break in the garden. It’s nice to get some fresh air after wrestling with tax return figures and now, with my wildlife garden well under way, I have the added pleasure of watching the birds come and feed on the numerous dishes at their disposal.
I am getting more birds and more varied species every day and today was the turn of three blue tit fledglings. Still a little fluffy and more confident than their parents who are not so happy to come close with Jasper the dog rummaging through the undergrowth.
I’m loving the peace and thrill of watching these creatures feed successfully knowing that I am doing my bit to help them survive.
No anti-depressants, no counselling, no psychotherapy, no sleeping tablets, no set-backs, no devastating “lows” and equally, no manic-high energy phases either. No dibilitating exhaustion, no persistent nagging expectation. In short, no depression.
Instead a calmer, more philospohical approach to day-to-day living, accepting slight swings in mood as perfectly normal and nothing to panic about. Final realisation that I’m not Superwoman and never have been (only in my head) and I can only do my best. If my best isn’t good enough, I’m destined for other things but actually, my best isnt that bad.
I can’t remember when I last sat down in my garden and listened to silence. Tonight I did just that and as well as being very dark, all was very quiet and peaceful. No wind, not even a light breeze to disturb the turning leaves. Warm enough to sit out in T-shirt, I sat and breathed in the oily-scent of the lavender bushes freshly trimmed. I watched my two cats chase each other through the shrubs stopping every now and then to listen for a frog to catch and tease.
The fountain in the pond cascades through the night and I sat and watched the longer blades of grass edging the lawn gradually bend with the weight of descending moisture. The grape vine is bursting with bunches of ripening fruit and the branches of the apple tree are bending under the weight of a bumper crop of apples. Figs are fleshing out and darkening and the late tomatoes are slowly turning from a hard-green to a softer ripe-red thus avoiding their inevitable transformation into the dreaded green tomato chutney.
Friday night and everyone is home behind closed curtains. Taking stock after the hectic week behind them but preparing for the weekend ahead. Tomorrow will start early as the dawn doggy walkers take Missy, Copper, Amy and Kevin for their daily constitutional. Lawn mowers, pressure-washers and jumpers-for-goalposts will appear as the rest of us get going and start our weekend jobs and activities which will last until late afternoon when preparations will begin for dinner at home, an engagement party next door and the odd late-summer BBQ.
We all need time to reflect,
to put things in perspective,
to truly value things in our lives
and to appreciate them.
To reflect properly,
we must be calm and balanced.
Put your life on pause.
Sit on a quiet beach
or in a tranquil garden.
Somewhere you can muse without distraction.
Calmness and balance will join you there.
One of my dearest, closest friends is currently going through a tough time and I sense the sheer exhaustion and encroaching numbness which often follows such a period of prolonged anxiety. I feel hopeless, useless and helpless because I am unable to take all that pain away. But I can’t. I know that. But it is heart-breaking to watch someone you love hurting so much.
I hope and I pray that their life improves soon to an extent where some peace of mind can be achieved. Turmoil and inner conflict are difficult to cope with and keeping the faith is crucial. There is hope. Things will get better. I am here for them when I am needed. If I can help in any way I will. All they need do is ask.
I don’t ask my God for much. Truly. There’s not a day goes by when I don’t thank him for what I have, for the fact that I am still here and have a fighting chance for happiness, for my wonderful son without whom I would be incomplete and just to be able to wake up to another day is a privilege.
But I’m asking now.
I’m asking for some respite. A chance for my friend to recover their balance and gain enough strength to be able to deal with life as it unfolds. I’m asking for some breathing space and support from those closer. Understanding and acceptance doesn’t cost anything. A little effort and love works wonders.
I’m praying for a ray of sunshine to peek through and show that there are those out here who care. Nothing outrageous. Nothing unrealistic. Just time. Hope and belief.
I love you
I love you
not only for what you are
but for what I am when I’m with you.
I love you not only for what you have made of yourself
but what you are making of me.