How lucky am I?
After a weekend of enforced R&R (rest & recuperation) I returned to work today to face another week of impending deadlines. I actually thrive on deadlines but physically, I now find that any kind of stress is difficult to deal with either consciously or sub-consciously. This can lead to a relapse (or “crash”) as it did at the weekend.
I had lunch with my Senior Manager and explained what had happened. His first reaction was how could he/the team help during our busiest time of the year knowing that I am unable to do overtime or work at weekends as I have done in the past. In fact, one year I ended up leading a project and worked 98 hour weeks (not good in the long term as I was very ill).
I had a few ideas and we talked it through. This sounds easy enough but it represents a real watershed in my accepting this illness and accepting that I can ask for help when I need it. I am not used to this. I am used to being the strong one, finishing my work ahead of schedule and helping others finish theirs so conceding that someone else can help me with my responsibilities is alien territory.
I don’t like asking for help but when I thought about it, I feel more a part of a team by doing so. I would help others, and not accepting help myself seems rather churlish and stand-offish. We are a team. We help each other and I will be eternally grateful for this support. It feels strange but in many ways it feels right. I trust my team to help and I hope they respect the reasons why it is necessary this year.
Of course I hope that this time next year I will be able to fully support myself and my workload, but until such time I will accept help graciously and keep buying tins of chocolates to keep us all going!
Thank you to all the IES team!