Over the past 4 years my Blog and I have been great friends. Writing about my experiences really helps me to make sense of my bouts of depression and keeps me connected with the outside world when I don’t physically step outside of my front door. I have made some lovely friends on here so “Thank you Poppyposts”:)
I feel guilty now because I have a new life. A new life which has taken some time to reach but they say that everything comes to those who wait and put simply, I haven’t felt so well mentally for as long as I can remember.
I have been very busy with my new job, my new puppy and my new-found positivity but that’s no excuse to abandon my Blog for almost 3 months! So I am back but with a different focus. How to stay well and what works for me. I think I have found a balance and with a few tweaks 2015 could be the year when I finish up a much healthier person physically, mentally and emotionally. I can look forward to that I’m sure.
I know that I am incredibly lucky to have a hugely supportive family, group of friends and an understanding employer but I have also been brave enough to take my opportunities as they have presented themselves.
The saying goes;
She who is brave is free
I do feel that I have finally been released to live my life as I chose. How brave am I?
When I am struggling with low mood as I am at the moment, I try to be positive. If nothing else, many sessions of CBT have taught me to be more positive and to look at the “evidence” objectively before I condemn myself to more self-induced misery based on emotion and my devilishly overactive imagination. It’s all part of developing those good habits (ARTs as opposed to ANTs) in the hope that they overwhelm and destroy all those long-formed bad habits as they take over.
On my way home this evening, rather than dwell on all the things I didn’t do well or didn’t go well, I decided to focus on the good things and what has made me smile and happy today. It was an interesting exercise!
Before doing this, I would have said that today wasn’t a “good day” overall and a 3/10 would have been generous. However, looking at the “good things” I have a change of heart. So what made me happy today?
My son getting another offer from a University of his choice. That’s 5/6 so far.
My son finishing his Level 1 football coaching qualification at the weekend and qualifying as a coach to go with his Referees qualification.
Coming home from work to be collected from the train station by my Chauffeur-hubby.
Having dinner (salmon, dill rice, salad and seasoned Greek yoghurt) cooked for me whilst I relax.
Laughing my socks off when some dumb-ass pulled the emergency cord in the train toilet so that we came to an abrupt stop. (The train cannot continue until the alarm is reset so his ablutions were unceremoniously interrupted by the female guard!)
Having cuddles with my pussy-cats.
Getting some lovely paper flowers for my nieces wedding scrapbook delivered in the post-I love coming home to parcels.
Knowing that whatever happens, it happens for a reason and to embrace it however scary at the time.
Being told at work that people confide in me because I am approachable, understanding, non-judgmental and encouraging.
Realising that money and status really don’t impress me still. (I’d be worried if that had changed)
Worrying about my friends and clients, who are going through tough times-I can’t help caring and I see it as positive. I have too long seen the nurturer and caring instinct as a weakness but I am proud to care and empathise. I wish more people would care.
Laughing at a few “funny” things that happened today although I sense that my sense of humour is maybe a tad different to many others! I don’t care-I thought they were funny.
So. All in all I would re-categorise today as an 8/10. A huge difference and a positive one at that.
My two beautiful boys, Tom and Will (which is which?)
Ice-skating- I take my Level 3 test next week and need to perform “backwards “lemons” (AKA sculling, swizzles, or fishes). This is a skill I am finding it difficult to master but am definitely improving albeit slowly. There is hope!
Sunshine-we haven’t had enough sun this year and doesn’t it make a difference when we get some blue sky and warmth instead of biting winds. When sunshine and picturesque countryside is combined with a bit of golf, who can complain?
Red roses- even the cat loves them!
…and to cap it all, the Grand National has finished and all the horses are safe and sound.