Tag Archive | empathy

If the cap fits (2)

My previous post outlined my responses to some of the traits which are common to Empaths. Here is the second part of that response as promised.

Love of nature and animals: Being outdoors in nature is a must for Empaths and pets are an essential part of their life.

My garden is my pride and joy.

I love being outdoors in open space and fresh air. I hate being cooped up all day and this particularly cold and drab winter has been very difficult to cope with on occasions. Golf is great for me as long as I keep it non-competitive. It combines the outdoors, mastery of new skills and gentle exercise. I only wish I had more time for golf.

I have always had pets and can’t imagine a house without them, even if it’s a hamster sleeping away in the corner all day and only coming to life when I’m off to bed! Our pets give us an immense amount of pleasure and they are totally spoiled. If I won the lottery, my first purchase would be a nice house, with a huge garden and paddocks for lots of animals.

 Need for solitude

An absolute necessity and this is the main reason I am unable to work long hours. I need time to myself every day and if I don’t get this time, my mental health deteriorates very quickly. The consequences can be devastating. Getting home late from work, eating, then going straight to bed, having to get up again at 5am the following morning is not sustainable as there is no “me” time built-in for recovery. Some people can do this day in day out and take their mental health for granted. Sadly I can’t and without doubt, my career progress has suffered greatly over the years as I am limited to the amount of working hours I can do. This is something that has caused me much upset in the past but I am now reconciled to under-performing and not reaching my potential despite my best efforts. As someone once told me, sometimes doing just enough has to be enough.

Gets bored or distracted easily if not stimulated

Oh yes! I have a very low boredom threshold and love learning new skills. I have many and varied interests and those who read my blog regularly will know that this year I decided I wanted to learn to ice-skate at the tender age of 50!

Caroline finally masters backwards lemons

Intolerance to narcissism

I have no time for these people.

Feeling others emotions and taking them on as your own

The killer blow and something I was not aware of until 3 years ago.

It was in May 2010 that I admitted publicly that I suffer with depression and have done for many many years.

Why did I start my Blog-Part 1

Why did I start my Blog-Part 2

Following my admission and for the next 6 months I was inundated with people wanting to talk to me about their experiences of depression and I was only too pleased to be able to help. The only problem was that it wasn’t helping me and I didn’t realise that I was unconsciously absorbing much of their distress and taking it on board. This affected my mood badly and in November 2010 I was advised to take time off work to redress the balance. I quickly learned that if I wanted to keep helping others with depression, I needed to become more remote and detached from their feelings and whilst I could offer practical suggestions and advice how to cope, I couldn’t fight their battles for them.

Good advice but difficult to do if your natural instinct is telling you otherwise.

There are a good many other indicators to Empath “status” but they will have to wait until another day.

In the meantime I would be very interested to hear your thoughts and comments. This is new but fascinating territory for me and any and all views are welcome 🙂

If the cap fits (1)

Over the last couple of years I have often been asked the question “Are you an Empath?” and recently these questions have more frequently turned into the statement, “You are an Empath.” It sounds rather frightening and accusatory but largely due to ignorance and using my precious time to focus on other matters relating to my mental health (Mindfulness, guided meditation etc)  I hadn’t given this suggestion any more thought or consideration.Until yesterday I only had limited knowledge of what an Empath is, or what the implications of being one might be but being ordered to rest up following my diagnosis of kidney stones, infection and renal colic on Thursday, I took time yesterday to do some research. It was very interesting indeed and my responses to some of the traits of an Empath outlined below, might take some people by surprise. I actively manage my daily life to combat a lot of my anxieties so that they are not obvious to most of my family, friends or colleagues but this takes energy and forethought and can lead to extreme mental and physical fatigue at times.

So, here is my take on “Am I an Empath? and apologies in advance for the length of this post although I will write it in 2 posts……….. what do you think?

Most of the traits covered are taken from the Just Be Blog and Gary’s Phsychic Empath Blog and my thanks go to Just Be and Gary for the information.

Noise-empaths can be sensitive to noises which need not necessarily be loud, but may cause stress.

Playing my guitar

Playing my guitar

Loud noises certainly makes me cringe and I will avoid them at all cost. I love music and over the years have learned to play the piano, guitar and clarinet but despite this I find some music physically offensive. I will leave the room if I hear women’s soprano/opera singing which goes right through me and my hands are over my ears at the first warble. Free jazz sends me into a frenzy with all its jumbled up notes and rhythms. To me it’s just a mess. I hate the sound of emergency vehicle sirens and a baby crying makes me very tense and angry. My son Will didn’t cry much. I guess he’s an Empath too!

As a youngster, I remember going to 3 discos. I hated them all, not just because of the loud music but because the constantly flashing spinning strobe lights made me lose my balance and fall over.

All noises have a meaning or association and sometimes it is nice to go about my daily business without making those connections. Those are rare days indeed.

Being in public places can be overwhelming

I loathe shopping and tend to shop in one particular store for clothes and accessories as they open at 08.30am and I can pick up anything I need on my way to work when it is quiet and not crowded. I never shop at lunchtime unless I know that I am going to a niche outlet which is more likely to be quiet. My husband does the Saturday supermarket shopping and I avoid town centre shopping when possible.

I leave work at 5pm every day so that I can get to the train station in good time for when the train arrives. I need to get on the train and find a seat before the crowds arrive. If the train is late and the platform starts filling up with passengers, I can feel myself getting very anxious, my pulse rate increases and I get irritable. I move away from anyone who stands next to me and I will always search for some space further along the platform. In the past, when I have been waiting at a London station and there are hundreds of people waiting I have asked the train staff if I can board first just to get out-of-the-way. It’s not a case of getting a seat, I just need space.

Arriving early for a match

Arriving early for a match

I love football and am a lifelong fan of Aston Villa FC. Football stadiums get very crowded and can be overwhelming so I tend to arrive very early and find my seat before the rush. I then sit quietly and watch the stadium fill up without being caught up in the queues and general mayhem. Shuffling along in a slow-moving queue when I am squashed between bodies is claustrophobic and causes me great anxiety.

My husband is Iranian and our visits usually coincide with a wedding, engagement or other family occasion which is usually celebrated by a big gathering and party. I dread it. For most people it is a chance to let their hair down and enjoy themselves. For me it’s torture especially as I don’t want to offend anyone by leaving early. Iranians are great hosts and I am very conscious that I don’t want to seem rude. In the end, I have to offer my apologies and my husband has to escort me outside where there are no crowds and no loud music. On one occasion, a surgeon who was also at the party and saw my distress also came outside to make sure I was ok such was my urgency in leaving the room.  

Watching violence, cruelty or tragedy on the TV is unbearable.

Violence I can just about cope with as long as it’s not too graphic. Cruelty or tragedy are definite No-No’s. I can’t watch tragic films, news stories or documentaries and I would also add reading about such stories is not an option. For example, these are a handful of the books from my childhood that I have never read  because I can’t cope with the extreme emotions they would create;

Black Beauty

Tarka the Otter

Watership Down

I still have these books on my shelf from the 1970’s. My sister bought them for me and the dates are written in the fly cover. They remain treasured possessions but unread.

Digestive disorders and lower back problems

It seems that I am prone to stones! Exactly 9 years ago I was very ill with gall stones and had to have my gall bladder removed. This week I have been diagnosed with kidney stones, an infection and renal colic. When I had reflexology 2 years ago, potential digestive issues were highlighted as an area I need to be mindful of.  Need I say more.

Constant fatigue

I have learned how to control this much better over the years but it can still strike if I allow my self-preservation techniques to relapse. I have a number of books about ME on my bookshelf which date back to my glandular fever days and an initial diagnosis of post viral syndrome.

Addictive personality

It’s all or nothing I’m afraid! If it’s a glass, it has to be the whole bottle. One chocolate? No, it has to be the box.

Creative

Very.

To be continued…….