Tag Archive | Blogging

Honesty-friend or foe?

I haven’t had the energy to Blog recently. I am trying to save this precious commodity to continue as normal a life as possible and it seems to be working. There will be good days and bad days, good weeks and bad weeks, but I see now that a combination and balance of activity and rest is the only way forward. I’m happy with that and am prepared to work at it to make it a success.

So much has happened in the 2 months since I last wrote here, and most importantly I have learned so much. Not so much about me, but about what others think of me. I have learnt what is important to me, who is important and who I trust. This has been quite interesting as a couple of people are clearly not who I thought they were and I am pleased, nay, relieved that they are no longer part of my life. Negative, unfulfilled, shallow, under-achieving and self-deceiving people are hard to accommodate. They bring misery and doubt to everyone they associate with. Some people just refuse to take responsibility for their own mistakes and errors of judgement yet still profess to be worthy of public trust and faith. Too many people think that they can behave as they wish, say “sorry” and move on regardless. They are happy to “blame” organisations, institutions, employers and anyone but themselves for their plight. Sad. If you can’t admit your failings to yourself and use it as a learning experience incorporating self-awareness it is going to be difficult to recover. Honesty is paramount. If you can’t be honest with yourself, your life is a sham, built on sand and no amount of blown vinyl will cover the cracks.

I am lucky. I live in an environment where honesty is admired and encouraged. We don’t judge. We discuss issues that arise with the sole aim of finding a solution. We try to learn from the experiences that life throws at us whatever they may be.

It is not easy to reach this position but it can be done.

I wish that more would do the same.

garden-1-may-2010-273.jpg

Advertisements

Fighting battles

I am naturally someone who wants to help others. I can’t help it , it’s my nature. I am a frustrated medic in that I am sooooo squeamish I couldn’t possibly entertain a career as a surgeon, nurse, or even as I tried, a physiotherapist. I hate to see people hurting whether it be physically or mentally; it kills me.

I kind of kept this under control and under wraps until 3 years ago when I “came out” about my depression. Following my admission I received hundreds (yes, hundreds) of emails, phone messages, texts, facebook contacts, wanting to share their experiences with me. This was/is fine but as I have come to realise, I need to take an aloof approach and not try to fight other people’s battles for them. This was probably the most important lesson I learned but it was and remains hard to do.

The causes of my depression are many and varied and are not something I want to repeat here. Despite these debilitating episodes, my basic personality is one of high moral standing (not good for humanity!) and outspokenness (not good for me!). I have learned to curb both these traits so that I am much more tolerant of errant behaviour and those who don’t meet my expectations of them but today I broke my own golden rule and intervened in someone else’s “difference of opinion” with A N Other.

Part of me was wary, no, unwilling to interfere but in the end I felt I had something to say and I needed to say it. I just hope that the person on whose behalf I intervened appreciates that I did it with my best intentions and with much aforethought. Blogging is a forum in which many people find their tribe, their community of like-minded people who are interested and supportive in that particular topic or subject matter. No one has to join in if they don’t feel comfortable and even if they feel strongly enough to criticise, there is also no need to continue the vitriol in some kind of personal vendetta. Just go away and do your own thing sweetheart and leave the rest of us in peace to follow our instincts and develop our own relationships with fellow Bloggers.

Blogging is not a substitute for “real” relationships but everyone has their own reasons for wanting or needing to Blog at a particular time in their lives. For me, even now, today, depression can be very debilitating so that speaking to someone face-to-face or on the phone can be distressing. Not many people at work would see me as a person who dreads the phone ringing, but that’s the reality. I’m just very good at hiding it.

I am lucky that my friends understand this and whilst I may not see them or speak to them personally for years, it doesn’t mean that I don’t care or I am not thinking of them in times of trouble. It’s how I am. I don’t like it and I try my hardest to fight against it and it doesn’t always work but I have learned to be kind to myself.

So, to you “Anon” I say this. Go away and resolve your own issues by tapping into your own resources and friends and leaving the rest of us to commune and support each other without prejudice and attitude in an environment where preconceptions and judgmental attitudes are alien and positivity and genuine concern prevail.

Rant over.

For today.