I’ve had a good few months. My brain has been behaving as expected; waking up nice and early ready to take on the day’s challenges quite willingly. It has enjoyed and embraced the challenge of technical tax work and I have gone to bed at night feeling mentally tired but still in control.
That is until I woke up this morning.
Today I could have cried. I woke up feeling overwhelmed, confused and angry with a head that felt like cotton wool. Why does this happen? I do know why but as hard as I try, I seem to have little control over those pesky grey cells between my ears.
Whilst I hate to labour the point, as an “HSP” I am a square peg in a round hole; Something I have known for many years but have been too chicken to resolve. That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy my job. I do but maybe for the wrong reasons. It satisfies certain criteria in that I enjoy a challenge, I am target driven and I like to learn new skills which stretch my brain. What it doesn’t do however, is help me satisfy my long-hidden creative instincts and the basic need to do something “meaningful.”
So, I really tried to continue as normal today. All the time fighting the urge to jack it all in and disappear into a large cave somewhere. As an HSP susceptible to periods of depression and anxiety I need my periods of respite so mid-afternoon I caved in and logged off.
When I get very bad hay fever, I want to take my eyes out of their sockets and wash them clean. When I get brain-fog, I feel the need to do something similar. Remove brain from skull; immerse in liquid chocolate and breathe. I need complete sensory respite from targets and tax legislation.
So what did I do?
I went into the garage and sawed some wood. I switched off and made something. Something meaningful.
A hedgehog house.
I often complain that my brain goes on vacation without me. Doing something physically creative is amazingly helpful, or at least I can point at something I’ve accomplished.
Its so frustrating but making something clears my head and calms me down.
HSP is new to me (and I likely qualify as HSP), so thank you for the introduction … your mention made me go google it, which, as you can imagine, sent me on a link to link to link expedition, including HSP workbooks, lectures, etc. Gave me at least a basic understanding of HSP. I think several people in my family might well identify, and will be sharing some info with them.
In any case, your “making a hedgehog house” resonated with me. I guess my most recent version was “baking up some butternut squash” or “making pumpkin oatmeal raisin cookies”. I think I sometimes use baking as a natural form of therapy, which also offers a sensory quiet zone. In fact, lately I’ve been adding the layer of a background meditation CD playing throughout the house, to help untangle any negative energy and help restore a sense of calm. Interesting post.
and I’ll bet the hedgehog house is cute, too. it does feel good to create something. 🙂