Conflict of interests

After a few lovely weekends of sunshine and fine weather, the UK Bank Holiday weekend has provided us with more typical weather; rain, rain and more rain! I’m not too disappointed though as it has given me a chance to crack on with my decorating and the end results are very pleasing.

 What is clear however is that I am in a period of high energy both physical and emotional and as well as having seemingly endless get-up-and-go, my brain is hyperactive to the extent that I have had little sleep this past week. I know that I must curb this activity and make sure that I rest and relax to recuperate otherwise I will undoubtedly reap the rewards of my efforts by heading towards a downward mood spiral. So, all the paints, brushes, scissors, spirit levels, sandpaper etc have been stored away out of sight in the garage and I am determined to do very little over the next couple of days.

This sounds a very sensible approach but it can cause difficulty with my general mood. I like to keep busy so that I fend off negative thoughts and deflect the enemies which threaten my mood stability.

This is where I have a conflict. To do, or not to do. That is the question.

I think that having spent a lot of energy over the past week, I must be running close to empty although I don’t realise it. That’s the thing with this chronic fatigue illness. You can think you are well when you are in fact dangerously close to burning yourself out and it hits you like a ton of bricks; out of the blue and before you know it, you can’t get out of bed in the morning. Tired and weepy, depressed and hopeless. That is exactly what I don’t want to do and therefore I must manage my schedule.

Back to writing, reading, photography, sorting out my books, watching the sport on TV and planning my upcoming trip to Iran in June. All activities I can get on with without getting off the sofa.

Sounds perfect? Not for me. I find it difficult to sit still for 5 minutes let alone take it easy for 2 days but needs must.

But the good side is that I can sit and reflect on my achievements and lovely spring garden. It was all worth it.







7 thoughts on “Conflict of interests

  1. It’s difficult to remember, when I’m taking a rest, that I’m not being lazy. I’m taking care of myself, doing something healthy for me.

  2. Hi I’ve read your blog and found it very interesting, I also suffer from depression, brought on I believe having worked for so many years in mental health. Just keep doing what your doing.. There is a light at the end of the tunnel albeit a little dim right now. Good luck x

    • Thank you! your comments are much appreciated. I do a lot of work with mental health charities and at work but it takes it’s toll without doubt. I never know whether to step back and leave it alone or whether to give others the benefit of my experience and information gained over a number of years. If you are in Bristol, have you come across Charlotte Deighton, “Handmade by Charlie” ?

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