Free time……

For anyone fighting the symptoms of depression and mental illness you will appreciate that “free time” is at a premium.  By the time you have argued repeatedly with yourself that you need to get up, shower, clean your teeth and get going on the day’s activities, forced yourself to go through the motions of eating, working, cleaning, the school-run or just staring vacantly out of the window all day, you have probably used up all your energy and find that day after day, there is no free time. It is such a negative cycle to spin round in but it’s hard to escape. Depression saps your energy and enthusiasm. It dulls the senses and days seem to merge into weeks and months seamlessly.

I know how that feels but I’m lucky. I have managed to shake off the shroud of doom and gloom and am now enjoying life as I’ve not known it for a long time.  So what does this mean for me?  It means that I now have “free time”. Time to enjoy my hobbies, relax, sleep well and recover between work days. Weekends can be spent with friends, planning activities for next week and I actually found time to do some ironing and sort my wardrobe out today. This may not sound like much, and these are things that folk take for granted but being preoccupied with negativity and suffering from mental exhaustion 24/7 leaves no time to spare. A vicious circle indeed.

I am much more discerning about how I spend my time and who I spend it with. I can do that now I have the time to think about it rather than stumble along “making do” and my life is much richer as a result.

I don’t have the answers to depression. I only know that from my experience there is hope. There is light at the end of the tunnel and things will and do get better.

“Hope” is the thing with feathers

By Emily Dickinson1830–1886
“Hope” is the thing with feathers –
That perches in the soul –
And sings the tune without the words –
And never stops – at all –
And sweetest – in the Gale – is heard –
And sore must be the storm –
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm –
I’ve heard it in the chillest land –
And on the strangest Sea –
Yet – never – in Extremity,
It asked a crumb – of me.

2 thoughts on “Free time……

  1. Pingback: No stopping « Butterflies and Bunny Rabbits

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