I can still vividly remember reading one of my favourite books at Primary School The Silver Skates, in which part of the story describes how a little Dutch boy, seeing a small trickle of water seeping through a dike, puts his finger in the hole to prevent a disastrous flood. He stays there all night until he is rescued by adults the next morning and he is hailed a hero. The illustrations in the book left me in no doubt that had he not stemmed the flow early on and stayed there all night thousands of lives would have been lost swept away in torrents of water breaking through the dam. I must have been about 7 years old at the time and I can see my class mates, the classroom, the teacher (Mrs Allen) all of whom come to mind when I remember this story.
But why have I remembered this story now and so vividly?
I can only think that subconsciously I am likening the breaking of the dam caused firstly from a small trickle of water then by a torrent gushing of water to the emergence of my creative tendencies over the past few months and weeks. It began as a tentative exploration of previous creative hobbies and interests such as calligraphy, photography, watercolour painting, knitting and dressmaking and it has rapidly developed into a miasma of papercraft, scrapbooking, card making and anything crafty I can get my hands on to the extent where the ideas are pouring out of my head so fast I can’t keep up. I have to write all my ideas down as I think of them so they are not lost and whilst all this sounds very exciting and positive (it is) it can also be exhausting.
Someone has clearly removed the plug from the dam and the ideas are spilling over like Victoria Falls.
Why has this happened now? I assume that it is part of my recovery from the depression that has dogged me for the past 30 years and is a natural reaction to being “better”. By admitting to my depression and not having to spend untold amounts of energy hiding and fighting it anymore I have, inadvertently, “released the beast” and I am catching up with 30 years of suppressed creativity.
That’s good and I love doing what I’m doing now. It’s also nice bringing back happy memories of times before the depression took hold and so I win twice.
You’ve made one of the hesradt steps to take. I was on tablets for a couple of years. They help take the edge of things, and give your brain the time to figure things out.The only advice I can give you from my past, is lists.Sit down, write out a list of all the things that bring you down in your life, and another list with all the things that make you feel good.Listing things out means you can structure how you approach them.Start at one, and don’t try and tackle anything else until that one is sorted. I carried these lists with me everywhere.If something makes you smile, take a photo of it, or keep something with you.