There is rarely a day that finishes without me looking back and thinking “Where did that idea come from?” I am constantly amazed by how the mind, and particularly my mind, whirls and creaks as it tries to make sense of my world. Since I returned to my blog on Monday, the same questions have haunted me. “Why, when and how did I become “scared” of my blog?” Because that is what had happened. Despite wanting to return to writing regular posts again for some time I became afraid. My blog took on the characteristics of a living entity and one which was non too pleased at being abandoned to languish unloved in the Blogosphere. I felt guilty and didn’t want to log on to Poppyposts in case I was severely admonished for my callous behaviour and sudden departure. I wasn’t strong enough to face my failings and therefore I stayed away.
How ridiculous that sounds now but I know that much of it has to do with self-confidence, esteem and feeling good about yourself. If you are in low mood, terrified of your own shadow and lacking in confidence, even the most straightforward task takes on a completely different perspective. You can become scared, shaky, indecisive and often hide away instead of facing up to and facing down your fears.
But instead of beating myself up about it I gave myself time, focussed on other interests and tried to forget about my loyal friend Poppyposts for a while. Real friends stick with you through thick and thin and underneath I was convinced that I would be able to return without admonishment when the time felt right. And so it has proved. I feel better for the break, refreshed and confident to face up to and face down my fears be they real or imagined.
So now I am off to make friends with my friends……again.