Coasting in neutral

I am a person of extremes. I feel things deeply and I get excited about the most mundane of things. If something or someone annoys me, everyone gets to know about it. There are no half-measures and what you see it what you get. Tough if it’s you I don’t like.

Except.

I’m in a strange and unfamiliar place at the moment. It is not unpleasant or disturbing. It is not exciting or emotional either. And that is what is so strange. I am coasting along in neutral.

I am ambivalent to many things and people who cross my path. Problems and issues pass over me like a stream over a pebble and I have no strong feelings about anything I do. I just do it.

Maybe most people live like this and go through the motions whilst life passes them by? I’m not sure but it is not native territory for me and it’s weird. I’m hoping that after this week I will be able to go away with a clear mind and think about where I am and what I do next. Why am I stripped of emotion for many things yet overcome with emotion for others? Am I having a mid-life “crisis” or have I just exhausted my options and don’t know where to turn next? I’m not sure but I don’t like it.

I’d rather be me even though it clearly has disadvantages. Opinionated, energetic, interested, loud, inventive, determined and raring to go in top gear.

Coasting along in neutral is not me.

Not me at all.

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