Yesterday, for a few fleeting seconds at least, I felt the overwhelming conviction that all is right with the world. Aston Villa look like they’ve escaped relegation, Will is doing well at school, I am only 2 weeks away from some time-out and respite from the hurly-burly that has been adding to my stress levels, and I have finally done something constructive. I have decorated the utility room. Things are definitely on the up and I feel much stronger and more able to cope with minor upsets which before had immediately turned into full-scale disasters. Some of the things that have got to me recently now look trivial and annoying and certainly not worthy of the adverse reaction they triggered from me not to mention all that wasted energy. I have been snappy, impatient, intolerant, hostile and downright horrid. The worst thing is that I was fully aware of these traits all along but couldn’t be bothered and couldn’t care enough to do anything about it.
But that’s depression. Combined with ongoing stress it can render you unable to deal with the most straightforward of problems and makes you feel incapable, insecure, vulnerable and unable to cope.
But being “on the up” means that I can deal with minor irritations, hurdles and avoid unnecessary confrontation and hostility. It means I can concentrate energy into constructive and positive activities. I can relax and read a book without losing focus every ten seconds. I can plan and organise my routine so that I make the most of each day that I feel well whilst getting enough rest and most importantly I feel in control.
I’d forgotten what it feels like. Long may it last.