I try so hard. I now think that I try too hard and I can’t do it anymore. Maybe it’s a small misunderstanding between friends, I’m not sure but it feels like a huge chasm has opened up and all of a sudden everything seems hopeless. Unfortunately it is the middle of the night and there are no trains out of here but I’m up and ready to leave if I have to. I suppose I’ll head home but I’ve got past caring. A train anywhere will do. I can’t be bothered.
I’m lucky I have my son William. I wouldn’t be here fighting this losing battle if I didn’t. I would be forever at peace, rid of this torment and turmoil that is depression. Despair overwhelms me as it has threatened to do for weeks now and I have no resources left to resist. It’s strange that after all I’ve said and done that one small sentence can tip me over the edge. To be so misunderstood is heartbreaking and I thought I’d done so well. How wrong can you be.
But that’s the stuff of dreams right now. I have to fight, I have to stay strong, and it will take every ounce of my energy but I will still be here tomorrow, and the day after and the day after.
I suppose that’s a victory in itself.
Depression will not win. Ever.