The saying goes that “You can’t love someone else until you learn to love yourself”.
Suffering with bouts of depression over the years, mood swings, periods of self-induced solitary confinement, unpredictable behaviour and general lack of energy and interest in not much else than “keeping the home fires burning”, resulted in a drop-off in the number of people I could truly call my friend. I must emphasise that this was at no time their fault or their responsibility. More, it was me feeling that I was an inadequate friend. I hadn’t the energy to help others with their problems. I couldn’t be bothered to make an effort. Sometimes getting out of bed in the morning was a major achievement. If I couldn’t reciprocate or learn to live with my guilt therefore, then friends had to go. Some faded away gradually and some remained, understanding my quirks and foibles completely and accepting that I would help out and turn up when I felt well enough, but respected my condition so as not to put any pressure on me at times when I was more withdrawn.
A friend is one of the nicest things you can have, and one of the best things you can be (Douglas Pagels)
I finally admitted to my depression last May and one of the best consequences of doing so has been meeting and making so many fabulous and fantastic new friends and contacting old ones long gone. It has been a wonderful experience and I am now surrounded by a group of friends old and new who I can relate to as an equal at last. And only after a week of the WordPress Daily posting challenge I have found yet more kindred spirits who like me are seeking their tribe and confirmation that they belong somewhere. It’s like looking in the mirror and for the first time ever, loving what I see. So, for me no more pretending; no more hiding away and no more guilt. I feel free and confident that people now know me for who I really am rather than who I appear to be.
This is a massive step forward and I just hope that I make a good friend- Please be patient. I am a little out of practice.