Good days, bad days

The problem with depression is just when you think you’ve got it licked, bang! it hits you right between the eyes and knocks you for six. Big black clouds of despair stifle your emotions, leaving you feeling numb and empty. Nothing makes sense, no one cares and you are stranded in a dark and lonely place with no immediately apparent lifeline. These are bad days.

What do I do when this happens?

Firstly, I don’t panic. Gone are those days when I think that a long-term bout of illness is imminent. I now know that these feelings will last for maybe a day, maybe a week, or if I’m really unlucky, a bit longer. But I have had enough experience of this monster to know that in my case, it will eventually lift and leave me in peace. I just need to be patient and work my way through it.

Strangely enough, I don’t fight it any more either. I find that I use too much energy in trying to pretend that everything is OK when clearly it isn’t. I have learnt over the years that no matter how hard I try to resist it, it gets me in the end so, I surrender. I wave the white flag, admit defeat, cry a lot and indulge my emotions for a short while. By surrendering I am able to save my energy for when I eventually turn the corner and see that it is again possible to bask in the gentle rays of an emerging sun. These are good days.

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